god is three colors spinning in a circle. i know this because when i was sixteen ego death revealed god to me for an eternity. the void was eternal, too. maybe they negated each other. maybe i didn’t need to escape for so long. we went looking for a sweater and laughed. we smoked a clove in the park as the sun set. i miss them both now. sometimes.

I Saw God And It Didn't Matter

i believe in soulmates. i have a high tolerance for pain. i am stubborn and hard headed and i don’t let things go. it’s how i get where i want to, though. i wonder if these traits will serve me well again. i lie in bed alone. breathe out. relax. keep your heart open.

My Heart Is Open

i lie under a weighted blanket and feel as though i am held. i hold back tears when my outings go wrong. i thought that i knew myself until last week. now i know why i tie my hair back to work. stop gap at the movies. pressure lets me think straight.

Pressure Lets Me Think Straight

i wish that i didn't know what you look like when you cry. i wish that i didn't know veins lead directly to the soul. i wish that i didn't know i broke your heart. i wish that i didn't know that you don't love me anymore. 

I Wish That I Knew Less

there is a demon that haunts my mothers lineage. chaos, trauma, destruction, death. she passed it on to me. i do not want to suffer anymore. i trapped the demon in the painting and covered it with violet flame and white light. i wrote a banishing spell. now the demon lives inside my painting. i call it names when i walk by.

water-based and acrylic spray paints, acrylic marker, acrylic mops, acrylic medium, acrylic paints, and oil sticks on canvas.

I Trapped A Demon In A Painting

everyone i knew in my old life is gone. the feeling changes over time. no one ever leaves but it isn't what they say - the way people parrot back those thoughts because it hurts to stare directly into pain. i don't mind thinking about death. i don't mind looking at loss. i will hold your hand while you grieve. death is an old friend.

water-based and acrylic spray paints, acrylic marker, and acrylic paints.

Death Is An Old Friend

why do bad people get good things? i never understood it. you hurt me and you left to a better life, unbothered, unchecked. i see you still, you do it to new people, i meet them sometimes, and they tell me the same story. we shelter together in the wake of your destruction and you thrive. 

water-based and acrylic spray paints, acrylic marker, acrylic paints, acrylic mediums, and oil sticks on canvas.

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