[fe]male gaze

an inside, outside, front side backside side insider outsider
the gaze.
bodies examined
reversing
form, without body, body
without form,
body without shell.
nothing
that keeps
everything
together.
falling out, falling in, falling around, falling apart,
breaking in, breaking free, spreading
taking over, recovering under, desiccating deconstructing reconstructing reevaluating

With support from Helge Ax:son Johnsons stiftelse

[fe]male gaze. 

you came too close but you are too far away. 
you are too much but too little.
i am too open but too closed.

portrait of you and me.

inspired by the poem "lovesong" by CAROL BERGEI


i want to go to the circus with you   i want to be a circus with you
i want to take our children to a country fair i want to eat apples with 
you i want you to eat me i want your hands all over me your mouth all
over me i want the quiet and the screams i want there to be 

want to move with people with you want to move under you all over you
want you to touchtype me as you move in your rooms want your rooms to
be roomy and good   good

i want to break things with you the ghastly things want to build things 
with you the highs want to get high with you go up with you go down on
you want you to walk run down be out be with be finally 

want to take our kids to the planetarium want to be a planetarium for
  you want to dig the smells of your body be stars with you be moon for
you be the sea be the woman of the women 

see you walking know you are walking free walking to me see your body
your eyes want to be your museum of natural history want you down all 
my corridors want you to know my fantastic beasts intimately

want not to want you want us to be as insects near each other sometimes
not touching long whiles then touching the knowledgable antennae

want see want be want fell want next you want quiet not wanting want
fierce wanting want across rooms want move life lives want not move
you move then i move then we

want orgasm reading what you write want watch me squirm your eyes want
up out into with alongside   that just majesty   want many fuck with you
want many cook with you want with you wish

want wishes want you wishes a gentle a moving want circus planets
left of life move to move with move belly against move children eyes
turn sideways to you are there are with me

wide floorboards old bricks fireplaces ironstone want country roads
want ponds want fires warmth burn melt relive want phoenix with you
guessgames book walls lovesongs walk our streets

doorbell they are here tell them go away tell them come in you are
in me tell them later for you tell them come in theres spaghetti on 
stove our friends their eyes shining like our eyes

tell us later is now tell us want is now tell us slow tell us go on
there is the planetarium it is full of olson fishes it is full of
eyes of children of love it is up out into star bodies it is you in
me it is over us hail and old bricks touch and write and feel and be


lovesong

self portraits

self portrait. 
acrylic on canvas 50x70 cm.

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irina Laaja

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